If I ever meet the guy who dreamed up this little bastard...

...I'm going to cut off his balls and feed them to my dog.

Sunday, I was forced to spend almost nine hours trying to eliminate a particularly nasty virus/malware piece of shit that somehow made its way onto my computer. It's called "XP Antivirus 2012," and in addition to impersonating legitimate Windows alerts, it also hijacks Internet Explorer and Firefox (and, through conversations with friends, I've determined it can also apparently take over Chrome). The IE-hijack makes it particularly annoying because it took me over an hour and a half to find out how to get rid of it and then another two hours to get the only free malware removal program that actually can get rid of this damn thing.

If anyone reading this is unfortunate enough to pick this up, go immediately to YouTube and find instructions from a profile on there called ComputerFriends and save yourself hours of trying to search while internet use is hit-or-miss. One further word of advice; when I removed mine, it also disassociated .exe files in my Windows Registry and you'll have to fix that as well.

FML.

So, I didn't get the job I interviewed for, which looked reasonably promising during the interview. We're rapidly coming up on a year of futile employment search, and it's getting fucking old. In one big fucking hurry.

If I had the wherewithal to open my own solo firm, I'd do it. I don't. So I'm stuck at the mercy of this shitty economy. And apparently, I'm not even worth hiring for jobs for which I'm well overqualified (the last one was to be a paralegal, and I have a goddamn law degree, for fuck's sake).

So here's my remaining options, as I see them:

Option #1: Study the fine art of hydroponics. Start medical marijuana grow op. Name myself CEO/quality control tester.

Option #2: Following in the footsteps of a law school classmate, join the State Department. Resign myself to the fact that my luck will never allow me to be sent someplace awesome like Germany or Ireland. Get shipped to Papua New Guinea or the fucking Congo where (again, given my luck) I'll wind up being Patient Zero in the next ebola outbreak.

Option #3: Sell everything I own. Move to Caribbean island of choice and open bar on beach. Completely cease giving a fuck.

Option #4: Write novel. Have it fail harder than Brian Griffin's "Faster Than the Speed of Love." Resort to either option #3 or #6.

Option #5: Compile list of current nonextradition countries. Rob bank. Go to one of aforementioned countries.

Option #6: Determine if there's a nice cliff I can Thelma and Louise the Pontiac into the lake from.

Comic Strip FTW!

If you've never read Max Cannon's "Red Meat" (printed in a variety of alternative newspapers), you owe it to yourself to go to his website (www.redmeat.com) and read a few. Start with Ted and Bug-Eyed Earl. You'll especially enjoy them if you have the same kind of dark, smart-assed sense of humor I have. A few samples for your viewing pleasure:

Law of the House #5: (Insert clever line here.)

Once again, it's been too long between posts. My apologies. Holiday weekend, then busy. And today, I'm suffering from a rather severe case of don't-give-a-fuck. On top of that, I really don't have anything interesting to say. So, enjoy these two photos.

 

Dinner while camping over the weekend

Gigantic mushroom we found.